is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
