You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
