I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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