I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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