3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
