you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
