haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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