I hope mine doesn't look like that
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
