Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this boner is exhausting
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
