my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
