I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
