Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
