I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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