I hate your face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
