Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
