i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize