Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
should my penis look like a turkey
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
