Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
