at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
