I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
