HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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