xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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