She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
