The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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