dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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