the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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