with your own penis?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
