I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
