I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
