At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
