my mouth tastes like poor choices
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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