Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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