he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
