thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
