One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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