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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
