Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
