i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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