I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
