I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
