Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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