I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
