Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
