im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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