We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
