I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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