I'm drive I can fine osifer
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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