Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
