peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
