I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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