guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
