yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
