he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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