My hand turned me down
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
