so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
