we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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