I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
