Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
