Too much gin, very little bucket
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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