We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
