8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
