She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize