using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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