I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
