What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
