You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
