Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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