Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
